Please, let me fuck your mom
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
