the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
