I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
