He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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