I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
