YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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