I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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