The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
