Your face is a jimmy john
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
