So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
