M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
