he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
