you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
