if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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