she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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