My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
