so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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