I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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