I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
