If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
