Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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