I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
