i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
