just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
