Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
