take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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