I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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