you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
