I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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