Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
