That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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