she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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