y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The air taste purple.
Randomize
