I am puke
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
