I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
