i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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