It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
