Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
