i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
