I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
