Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize