Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I intend to get homeless drunk
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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