Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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