Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
