Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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