I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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