booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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