she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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