I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
