I must be too annoying 4 u.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
