Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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