I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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