Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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