it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
