it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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