even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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