apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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