How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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