Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize