I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
