just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
